Something Like You
by regnum
Summary: Kenyako. FLUFF. Ken thinks about Miyako and how much she means to him. He just wishes that he could tell her how much he loves her. SONGFIC


**Something Like You**

****

**Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine. **

**A/N: Eh, I'm too tired to think up a happy, fun loving disclaimer right now. I felt like writing a sappy Kenyako and this is what happened. What's more, it's a songfic! Oh yeah, the song _Something Like You performed by Nsync is not mine either. _**

Ken: You know, that should have really gone in the disclaimer part.

Smabbi: *glare* My fic, I can do what I want. So there!

Ken: *sweatdrops* Geez, you're cranky when you're tired huh? 

Smabbi: What is the point of you hanging around here saying blatantly obvious things? You could at _least be useful…_

Ken: *sigh* Fine…you want coffee right? 

Smabbi: How'd you know Ken-kun? *smiles sweetly*

Ken: *scuttles off to make coffee a resigned look on his face*

~~~*~~~

_So many times, _

_I thought I held it in my hands_

_But just like grains of sand_

_Love slipped through my fingers_

He kept his eyes on the graceful figure gliding across the ice. Her long, lavender hair streamed out from beneath her woollen cap, flying delicately in the wind. It was hard to stop a smile from forming on his chilled lips. _Miyako… Hard to believe that he could feel this way, he, who had for so long been cold and uncaring. Hard to believe that he was falling in love with this girl. Hard to believe that she felt the same way. He had never thought that he could be this happy. _

His eyes fell on Hikari and Takeru, the two of them, lost in their own little world where no one existed but themselves. He watched as, laughingly, Takeru offered a hand to help Hikari off the ice, giving her a brief kiss. How he wished he could be as open about his feelings. So many times he had tried to tell her, and he had failed just as many times. 

_"Its okay, Ken-kun," she leaned comfortably against him, a slightly sad smile on her face. _

_He ground his teeth in frustration, "No, it's not! You don't understand Miya-chan. I want__ to say it, I really do." _

_He hung his head sadly, and she reached up and gently stroked his cheek, "I understand Ken-kun, you don't have to tell me. I know." It hurt her to see him this upset and he knew it. _

_He clasped her hand in his, holding it against his cheek, eyes closed, "I know you know," he smiled a little, "But I want you to hear me say it," he continued in a low voice. _

_"You'll say it," her voice held a note of certainty, "When you're ready, you'll say it. Give it time, Ken-kun." _

_He sighed softly, wishing desperately he could tell her how he felt. _

He sighed again at the memory, warm breath appearing as a puff of smoke against the cold air. _It's not fair, she deserves to know. Why, __why couldn't he say it? Three simple words. Three simple words that refused to pass his lips. _

_So many nights,_

_I asked the Lord above_

_To make me lucky in love,_

_And find a love that lingers_

"Ken-kun?" 

He looked up into warm, violet eyes, unable to keep his smile hidden any longer, "Hai?" 

She reached for his hand, "Come out on the ice. It must be _boring sitting here doing nothing." _

He could hear the exasperation in her voice, tempered by her smile. It was hard not to love her smile, it just went so well with the effervescence that was her personality. He loved everything about her, from her short temper to her excitable outbursts. 

"Hello? Earth to Ken!" She sat down beside him, "Are you okay in there?" 

He realised he'd been staring and a faint blush coloured his cheeks, "Um, yeah?" 

She laughed, "What were you thinking about, genius?" she reached for his hand, cradling it in hers, "Geez! Your hands are _cold! Don't you have gloves?" _

He shook his head, wondering if he could avoid answering the first question. There was something embarrassing about telling her that he'd been thinking about how much he loved her. He felt his cheeks grow warm again. _I can't even tell her I love__ her…let alone how much__ I love her._

He'd never been in love before, but everyday he spent with Miyako revealed to him new depths of love. _Its like I fall in love with her more each day, he mused silently, catching a quick sideways look. Her eyes were focused on Takeru and Hikari, she looked slightly wistful. _

Instantly, he felt guilty. He felt like it was his fault that they weren't a 'normal' couple. Holding hands in public was a big step forward for them, he just didn't like people seeing his feelings. He'd been that way since Osamu died. Partially, it was because he was constantly in the public eye, there were always people wanting to know more about him, wanting to understand him. He _hated that. It made him feel like he was under a microscope, a lab rat, just waiting to be dissected._

_Something keeps telling me_

_That you could be my answered prayer_

_You must be heaven sent, I swear_

_Cuz… _

Miyako never made him feel that way. Despite her self proclaimed crush, she'd gone out of her way to be friendly, when she had had no real reason to. _She had every reason to hate me, and she didn't. She never forced him to tell her anything, just waited, albeit impatiently, until he was ready. That was another reason he loved her. _

_"Geez, Ken! Spill already! Why'd you ask me to meet you here?" _

_He wanted to laugh at the sight she made, fuming impatiently, arms crossed and pacing around the train station. Wanted__ to laugh, but he was a bundle of nerves and if he allowed himself to laugh he'd dissolve into giggles. _

_"I, uh-" a blush enflamed his cheeks, making him feel all the more awkward. How do I do this?__ Miyako was getting more annoyed, he could tell from the way she was looking at him. "I was wondering if, um, you were free tomorrow night?" he asked weakly, hoping his knees wouldn't give way. _

_She stopped glaring instantly and looked mildly suspicious, "Why? What did you have in mind? A trip to the digital world?" _

_"Uh, no actually, I heard there was this good movie on and I was wondering if you'd like to go see it with me," she didn't reply straight away and he felt his stomach lurch, "I-I mean, if you don't want to, you don't have__ to, it's just that," Kami, he was rambling, Ichijouji Ken did not__ ramble, he took a deep, hopefully calming breath, "I wanted to see the movie and I thought you might want to so-"_

_"Ken?" she interrupted his tirade sweetly, "I would love to go with you." _

_"You would?" he asked, startled, "I- of course you would, so, uh, how about we meet at the cinema at eight?" _

_She smiled brightly, "That'd be great." _

He shook his head slightly, _that had certainly been an experience. He had never felt that awkward in his life, hopefully, he'd never feel that awkward again. _

"Penny for your thoughts?" _      _

"Huh?" 

She smiled at the startled look in his clear blue eyes. He looked so cute like that. She could almost predict the slight blush that rose, Ken could be so… _shy. Strange but true. He was just a private person, he kept his thoughts to himself most of the time. _

It had taken her awhile to understand that. He always seemed to calm and confident on TV, even as the Digimon Kaiser there had been an unshakable arrogance about him. But the real Ken, the Ken she was madly in love with, was nothing like that. He kept his public persona separate from his personal life, it hadn't always been like that of course, he had changed radically when he realised that he had just been a tool to conquer the digital world. 

In reality, his arrogance was a shield. Most people _expected him to be arrogant, expected that because of his achievements. Ken never asked to be a genius, in his own way, he was trying to fill the place left empty by the death of Osamu. She couldn't understand the amount of hurt he had had to go through. As much as she loved him, there were things about him she couldn't comprehend. She admired him for his strength, knowing that if she had seen her brother die at such a young age she would be a wreck. Yet, Ken still bore those scars, no matter how hard he tried to hide them. _

She tightened her grip on his hand and he gave her an amused look, "Now who's daydreaming?" he teased gently. 

"Shut up," she muttered, smiling so he knew she didn't really mean it, "If you get to sit here and be _boring then I get to too." _

He chuckled softly, knowing that she was just pouting because he absolutely _refused to skate. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he tensed automatically, he heard the soft sigh escape her lips and tried to relax. His eyes fell on the couple on the ice again and a feeling of jealously overwhelmed him. He wanted __that. He wanted to be able to kiss his girlfriend in public and not be worried about the rest of the world, he wanted to be able to hold her close just because he could, he wanted to be able to show the world how he really, __truly felt about Inoue Miyako. _

_How can I tell you, Miya-chan, that when I look at you, I'm absolutely blown away? How can I tell you that every time you kiss me, I feel like the luckiest guy on earth? How can I explain the feelings I get when I'm around you? _

Love didn't even come close to describing it. There were no words for the depth of his feelings, for the wealth of them. _No words… There were times when he wanted to shout it from the rooftops, tell everyone how lucky he was. But he couldn't. __Ichijouji Ken, boy genius, coward, he thought bitterly. It wasn't fair to Miyako, she deserved all that, she deserved a guy who could give her everything, a guy who could show her every day that he loved her. __She got me instead…_

_Something happens when you look at me _

_I forget to speak_

_Something happens when you kiss my mouth_

_My knees get so weak  _

_Could this be true_

_Is this what God has meant for me?_

_Cause I can't believe…_

_That something like you could happen to me._

"Ken, quit it." 

He looked at her, surprised, "Quit what?" 

"You're thinking, 'Miyako deserves someone better than me…blah blah blah'," she gave him a stern look, "You _know I don't want anyone else. We've had this argument too many times."_

He grinned sheepishly, "I swear you can read my mind." 

"Nope, just your expression," she leaned her head back on his shoulder, "I'm happy with _you Ken-kun, I just wish you would see that," she murmured softly. _

_"You know what? If you want to be with him that much you should just leave!" _

_She stared at him in disbelief, "You know, Ken, I thought you were different!" she yelled back, anger clouding rational judgement, "He's my friend__! A friend who's helping me with my history assignment! I've explained__ this to you and, for a genius, you don't seem to get it!" _

_He glared at her, every shield slammed back in place, "Forgive me if I'm a little worried because my so-called 'girlfriend' spends every waking hour with some guy I've never met!" he spat disdainfully, "If this guy's such a good friend__," he twisted the word with a sneer, "Why can't I meet him?" _

_"You want to meet him? Fine!" tears glittered in her eyes, "God, Ken, don't you trust__ me?" _

_That question stopped him short, he should__ trust her, that was what a relationship was about, why couldn't he? What am I doing? Why am I chasing her away?__ "Miya-chan," the word was nothing more than a whisper, "G-gomen ne, I-" he sighed softly, "It's not you, it's me."_

_She moved closer to him, worried about him, "Ken…" _

_"It's just that…I can't seem to believe that anything good lasts," he laughed bitterly, "I can't seem to believe that we__ will last. I keep thinking, no, I know__ that I'm not good enough-"_

_"That's not true," she interrupted roughly, "You're everything I could ask for, you're everything I could want."_

_"But, I've done so many things wrong, Miya-chan. I've tortured others because I was in pain, there were times when I wouldn't have hesitated to kill you or Takeru or Daisuke or…" he trailed off, looking at his hands._

_"That wasn't you," she said firmly, "That__ was the digimon Kaiser. You aren't that person anymore Ken-kun." _

_He looked at her, eyes dulled, his face twisted by guilt, "It could be. The Kaiser is still in me…the dark seed, the fact that I was being controlled, is irrelevant. I __caused so much pain…I can never make up for that, Miya-chan, never." _

_"You have to forgive yourself," she told him gently, grabbing his hands, "We've all forgiven you, we don't blame you anymore. Just forgive yourself." _

_He pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead, "Arigato, Miya-chan," he gave her a weak smile, Thank you for being here, thank you for understanding, __"I'll try," he whispered softly, kissing her properly this time. _

He pulled her closer to him now, if she was surprised by his sudden public show of affection she said nothing. _I'm still trying to forgive myself. It was hard, knowing the pain and suffering he had put so many through, to just let it all go. _

_Yeah, yeah, something like you…_

"Let's skate," he said suddenly, causing her to look at him with astonishment.

"Skate?" she asked, disbelievingly, "You want to skate?"

"Yeah," he grinned slightly, "That's what we came here for, right?" 

"R-right," she stammered, brown eyes wide as her boyfriend climbed to his feet and offered her his hand. 

He looked a little sheepishly at her, "I-uh, you'll have to teach me how…"

"You don't know how to skate?" 

He scratched his head, looking embarrassed, "Well, I never really had the _time…" _

"What with taking over the world and all?" she instantly regretted the words, not sure if he would retreat back into his shell. "Sorry," she muttered.

To her surprise, he laughed, "Yeah," he agreed, "Too much of that, not enough fun."

She wrenched her hand from his grip, "Okay, who are you and what have you done to my boyfriend?" She stared at him, hands resting on her hips. 

"It's still me," he pulled her close, "I just realised something," he whispered, causing chills to run up and down her spine.

"W-what?" 

"I've been missing out on so much because I've been scared to let people into my life. I love you, Miya-chan," he kissed her gently. He pulled away after a minute, "I always have, I just couldn't say it."

Her eyes glittered with what looked suspiciously like tears, "Ken-kun?"

"Yeah?" 

"Shut up." She smiled sweetly, pulling him back for another kiss. 

_Yeah, yeah, something like you…_

~~~~*~~~~

**A/N: *looks cranky* Okay, I _wanted it to be fluffy…only it turned out introspective and somewhat angsty. Well, it was kinda fluffy at the end, right? Comments, criticisms and flames would all be appreciated. Sign the GB even! *looks around* Where's my coffee?_**

Ken: Well…uh, see, there's none left. 

_What?! Who drank all the coffee? _

Ken: That would be me…and Wormmon. 

I don't even want to _know why Wormmon drinks coffee… _

Ken: I…

No, don't want to hear it! Why don't you go look for some nice Dr Pepper? 

Ken: *sigh* 

© 2001-10-25

Abi Jacobs 


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